It’s not you, it’s me.

And, I’m watching Suits. I’ve also been up for hours.

It’s not Making of a Murderer it’s better. Full of; smoking hot, smart guys, legal jargon, and emotionally unavailable men.

I can relate. Apparently, I’m a magnet for them. And, I’ve heard I’m the same way. Like attracts like apparently.

Anyway, let’s get down to business.

Dating mishaps, emotionally unavailable men, and train wrecks are pretty much where I am. Dinner, dates, and talks. Blah, blah, blah. I’m just like, well, that was fun, I’ll go back to my little life now.

I liked my little life, working, hanging out, eating, exercising, and just being a chick. A chick. Out of the spot light, a chick who just got her work done and didn’t run into the local store and hear she was on the front page of the paper. Above the fold. AGAIN. Well, that was nice, can I just buy this cheese, please?

So, let’s talk about you. Everyone we know has been in love and made mistakes. Yours truly has. Shocker, I know. But, it’s just a part of learning.

Being young, dumb and in love didn’t work out very well for me. And, I can start with my marriage, so hopefully it’ll work out better for you.

Watching Suits has brought me back to the basics. Looks don’t matter if you feel lonely, sad, or second place. What I’ve learned is that looks aren’t everything, hot guys may not be everything, but they do help.

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I threw that in there for your viewing pleasure.

The “It’s not you it’s me” line is one I’ve used a number of times, but it’s just not us is what I’m trying to say. You and I don’t mesh, we don’t click anymore, what we had is over. And, then, when that line was used on me and, I thought, wait one minute here, that’s my line.

It didn’t make it any easier. Breaking up is never easy. And, Suits uses that line all the time. Whether it’s a new relationship or a long term one, whether you’re the one breaking up or being broken up with, it’s not easy. We covered this in He’s just not that into you. But, keep that one in mind. It’s not fun to be second place to a career, life, or anything else. No one wants to be second. Even in a world where everyone gets a trophy, you don’t want to hang up a second place anything.

You can’t go to sleep with a laptop, a paycheck, or your work. So, treat the people you have in your life right. Remember that they are special and even if they aren’t right for you, they’ll make the perfect partner for someone else. Save the “it’s not you it’s me” line and enjoy what you have right now.

Because some day it may not be there to hold you when you’re tired, sick, sad, or hungry.

He’s just not that into you.

“Let’s start with this statistic: You are delicious. Be brave, my sweet. I know you can get lonely. I know you can crave companionship and sex and love so badly that it physically hurts. But I truly believe that the only way you can find out that there’s something better out there is to first believe there’s something better out there. What other choice is there?”
― Greg Behrendt, He’s Just Not That Into You

I remember going through a difficult break up and one of my darling girlfriends gave me the book “He’s just not that into you” and, while opening it, I cried. And, I realized that breaking up was just part of that story. My story. Our story together. We loved, we learned, and now it was time to move on.

I loved you first.

There is no love like your first love and nothing can replace it. When you don’t know how much a broken heart hurts, you love with your whole heart. After that first heart break nothing else hurts the same way. Everyone after that becomes a learning experience. A moment in time that you shared and then when your time together is over it’s time to move on.

Even getting married doesn’t promise forever.

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Trust me, I’ve been there and done that. We both gave it the best that we could. We tried. We loved and we cried and we even got a dog to bring us together. We bought a house, cars, and things and they didn’t fill the void between us. A small town NH girl and a big city Texas guy go together like oil and water. But, to this day, he’s become one of my best friends. Yes, we hurt each other. Yes, we made each other cry. But, today we can laugh and cry and love each other the way we couldn’t when we were married.

Everyone else is just a stepping stone.

Everyone else you love, you date, you spend time with are all just a stepping stone to the right one. So, when you’re feeling melancholy about your love life or taking advice from all of your single friends remember that we’re all in this together. We all want love, happiness, and forever. We’ll all get there, right? When your person walks into your life at the right time, you’ll know it.

So until then.

Recognize the signs. When he’s not that into you, you’ll know it. He’ll friendzone you. He’ll all of a sudden get very busy. He’ll be distant or he won’t be around. That’s the worst. When he’s on the phone but not laying with you. Or he’s telling you you’re the love of his life and he’s no where to be found. Don’t be that girl. Don’t give into words when we all know that actions speak louder than words. You can do this.

You are strong.

But you must do it. Alone. Your girlfriends can help you. Trust me. Your friends will all have an opinion. They can listen, and talk, and give you advice but only you know in your heart when the red flags are there telling you to bounce. It’s like a beacon. A warning. A signal in your stomach that tells you to retreat. So, do it.

You deserve more.

So. Make it happen. How many nights do you want to fall asleep crying, dreaming, wishing he was there. When you knew all along, that he just wasn’t that into you.

Tinder. And, don’t tell my Mom, he was DTF.

Someone gets to go home with this guy.

And, I can tell you from experience that if you’re looking for Mr. Right Now you’re in the right place.  Tinder is apparently where to go when you realize that there must be nothing better. If you’re on Tinder be prepared for an experience that you won’t exactly want to write home about.
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Yeah, this isn’t going to happen. www.pinterest.com

I can’t even imagine trying to tell my parents; “Hey Mom, I met this great catch on an on-line dating website, you’ve heard of that right? He was half naked and husband material.  He was totally DTF.” She would look at me with her big blue eyes like I was completely insane. And, in her really innocent, adorable way, ask me what DTF meant. If you’re not sure, please review the first picture. And, we can have a little talk about the acronym. 
On that note, how much attention do you need? We have married men, we have butts, we have costumes and we have desperate souls looking for love in all the wrong places. If you are looking for love, look next door. Look at the girl down the street, the guy you see at the coffee shop. Look at the person right next to you who likes to do all the same things you do
Trust me, it will save you a lot of explaining.

Netflix and Chill.

I’m drinking the kool-aid and loving every moment of it.

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Just like the rest of the Nation, I’ve gotten caught up in the drama, the OMG, and the what the hell just happened moments of Making a Murderer.  As we all know, binge watching Netflix has become a part time job in this joint.

As I’m in the process of going through the justice system myself, I had to turn it off during the interrogations because getting a confession from two people who have below average IQ’s hardly sound like an honorable thing to do. I was infuriated and it hit a little bit too close to home.

Let me back up. In case you have been living under a rock or haven’t had the chance to binge watch the Netflix series Making a Murderer, put it on your to do list, stat.

This isn’t a spoiler alert. It’s the story of a man in Wisconsin who was wrongly incarcerated for 18 years for a crime he didn’t commit. And, then, the story begins. I won’t give you many details because you’ll have to see it for yourself.

But, put it this way, it includes a little incest on Avery Way (that’s just a guess but when you see how much they all look alike you’ll understand), poverty, redneck’s who can probably put a car back together with their eyes closed, and like I said, a lot of below average IQ’s.

one-does-not-simply-watch-one-episode-of-making-a-murderer_cf5153fd3a1You’ll come out of this thinking you should have been a lawyer. I did at least. A criminal defense attorney who can prove that this man was set up. I mean, you looked in the same 10 foot bedroom three times and didn’t find a key until the fourth round. Puhhhhleease.

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I’m obviously not a lawyer. I don’t have any kind of legal background other than marrying a cop, but I can tell you there is something corrupt and unjustified in what happened to this family. But, then again, with what is going on today, you read about it all the time.

Unarmed men are getting shot by men in positions of power (phew, so far, the women have been keeping their guns in their holsters where they belong and using their words to dilute situations, shocker) you have a race war, a man running for president who thinks we should start branding our fellow American’s (we’ve been there and done that, you may remember hearing about Adolf Hitler) and it makes you wonder where we’re heading.

This can’t be good.

I’m not going to preach about who to vote for or what to believe, I’m just telling you that the series Making a Murderer will make you think. You’ll think about how you would handle being locked in a room for hours being told what to say. When you have a 16 year old in special ed classes being told what to write, that is what he will do, he is learning. And, he literally just wants to go home and watch the WWF wrestling match.

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Once you’ve seen it, you’ll get that one. It’s no joke, just draw this and draw that for me right here, Brendan, you’re doing just fine.

Thanks for the jail time O’Kelly.

I’ll wrap up this number on Making a Murderer because there’s literally too much to say. There are so many questions and the most important one is, did Avery do it? There is a dead woman with his blood in her car, a woman who never got to walk down the aisle, or carry on her own life and that’s what’s important to remember. No matter what kind of injustice we have here, there is someone who’s life was cut short for no reason at all.

When you’ve had the chance to catch up on it, let me know. There’s no shortage of phone calls between my girlfriends and I asking each other, WTF just happened?

Ladies, it’s our turn.

“Women’s dearest possession is life, and since it is given to her but once she must live as to feel no torturing regret. For years without purpose, so live as not to be scarred with the shame of a cowardly and trivial past. So live that dying she can say: All my life and all my strength was given to the finest cause in the world. The liberation of womankind.”

Alice Paul, 1885-1977, author of the Equal Rights Amendment in 1923

They call it the Suffrage Movement because that’s just what it was.

The Women’s Right Movement and a women’s right to vote began in 1840 and was finally made a national law in 1920.

Our woman Susan B. Anthony of Massachusetts joined the movement because she was not allowed to speak at rally’s as her male counterparts had. And, she knew that things needed to change.

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There are obviously a lot of details that go into changing an entire philosophy and a way of thinking in a nation notoriously run by wealthy Anglo-Saxon men and for the women before us, it was an entire century in the making.  Women were beaten, tortured, and murdered for speaking out and asking for an equal chance to voice their opinions.

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As you read above, Alice Paul, was also one of the many leaders who was instrumental in the Suffrage Movement. She dedicated her entire life to bring equality to our nation, spoke to Congress time and time again, and was tortured, force fed, and beaten for her beliefs.

Now it’s our turn.

Growing up my father always told my sister and I that we must vote in every election we can. He always said “women died for your right to vote” and I honestly don’t think that I’ve ever missed a chance to vote.

On that note. Let’s make this happen.

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theodysseyonline.com

It’s time for a political revolution. No matter who it is that you believe will lead our countryin the right direction is admirable. Just do it.

If you live in NH, take the 15 minutes to make your voice heard.  Please. Do a little research though and be sure that who ever you fill in that little left box’s name with, it is someone you actually do believe in and trust. As we all know, we’re in a time of turmoil and don’t really need to add any fuel to the fire.

We set the standard for the rest of the nation we have to act like it. Millennials, ladies, and gentleman, let’s make a change. Together, let’s get a higher voting percentage then we’ve ever hit.

On Tuesday we get to vote in the Primary, let’s show the women before us that their efforts were not made in vain.

Dear Future Husband.

With Valentine’s Day or Single’s Awareness Day coming up, depending on which one you’re celebrating this year, I thought this was the perfect time to write an open letter to my future husband.

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www.pinterest.com

I’m not sure if I’m exactly qualified to write this letter, my first marriage was a complete disaster, so I thought I would take some of the lessons I learned from that and apply them to my future self and future hubby. So, here we go.

Dear Future Husband,

We did it! We got married. We got through the easiest part of the start of our life, it was stressful, but seriously, who doesn’t love weddings?

Things to remember. 

This isn’t going to be easy. But we can do it.

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We’re two separate people who are in love. We cannot lose ourselves in each other. Like the lovers before us who made it work we will fall in and out of love and that’s ok because we know that at the end of the day there is no one else we’d rather to go home to.

Besties. 

Be my best friend. But, don’t worry. We have our own friends. And, our own lives away from each other. I have a killer network of girlfriends and have no intention of losing them, but I want you to be a sounding board too. I want to listen to you and what you have going on and be able to offer my advice. I want to talk things out.

Push me.

Make me communicate with you. I tend to shut down when I’m frustrated or sad, but don’t stop. Make me talk it out. Let’s never go to sleep mad.  It sounds cliche but that didn’t work for me the first time around, so I won’t let it happen this time.

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I’ll go ahead and learn something from that quote.

I may resent you for making me talk about my feelings, because that’ll be something new but it won’t last for long. You may resent me for pushing you. For making you talk, but we’ve got this.

Appreciate what we have.

We’ll make each other better people by just being in each other’s lives. We’ll change and grow and navigate the world around us together.  Let’s complement each other. We’ll appreciate that we both work hard. And, as they say, team work makes the dream work.

I promise to be loyal and always be here for you. I promise that when things get tough, I’ll be by your side. Just don’t let me get hungry, I can be a bit of a monster when I’m starving. You’ll probably be able to relate, so I promise to pay attention to your needs too.

Let’s have shared interests. That’s key.

Let’s go on adventures. Lots of adventures. Let’s explore. Together. The things both near and far from us so that we can build memories.

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Space is crucial.

I’m guessing you’ll be as independent as I am so we’ll have to respect each other’s space. Time to be alone. Time to think, to process, to just be. Otherwise, what a huge disservice we’ll do each other if we get clingy and needy.

I can’t wait to meet you and start this adventure. I know that you’ll be the perfect cherry on my cake and together we’ll get through this crazy little thing called life.

Love always,

Your favorite Boo