You’re not supposed to go through life…

“Thinking that you’re not where you’re supposed to be. Just remember, you’re not a finished product. You may have some weaknesses, and have areas you want to improve, but that will not help you move forward.Joel Osteen (no matter how you feel about him, that’s good advice).  You’re not supposed to go through life feeling defeated.

You must accept yourself right where you are.  As my mother always says, bloom where you are planted, if you will.

I’m obsessed with houseplants right now. So you’ll see a lot of them.
That was the last thing I expected to write about today.  As you know, we’re in this together. Fifty-two blog posts are coming your way. That’s five. two. Fifty-two times I get to escape from the world of HVAC, Google Translate, and swimming in SEO world. This was a little run in I had with Google this weekend:

Google Translate. Go home. You’re drunk.
So, together, we’ll make this happen.

I’ve written about how there is no perfect partner. And, then of course, my best friend from High School met the female version of himself. They like science, tide pools, and eating ice cream. They both have dogs, she loves cats, and he loves her. It’s like two peas in a pod. It’s awesome. So, I won’t bore you with that love story.

I’ve written about love lost, poor decisions, and, moving on. But, apparently, today I’m going to write about being happy right where you are. It’s not always the dream life, the way you envisioned it when you were young, but it’s right where you’re supposed to be right now.

For everyone born in the 80’s someone you know had this van. Photo Credit: The New York Times
This sounds so weird today, but I thought I’d have a minivan and five kids by now.  I thought I’d be cutting oranges for soccer games, and teaching swim lessons to my little bambino’s. But, apparently as of today, that’s not in my cards.

I’m married to my work. 

Literally.  I’ve always wanted to start a business and a wonderful opportunity fell into my lap. They’re starting a subsidiary of the parent company located in Shanghi – so we have their support we’re just starting the North American company here. I have a great boss and am psyched to make it happen.  We get to start a company and literally do every single detail of it. It’s not a Case Study at UNH, it’s real life. And, I’m so grateful that my girlfriends, family,  and boyfriend are so supportive because I’m literally never around.  I am swimming in work and loving every minute of it.

My sister and Molly Bean help keep the house clean, my roommate reminds me to eat, and I just work. Agh, I sound like a 60 year old man who can’t retire, but you get the idea.

Enough about me. I’m proud to be blooming where I am planted.  And, today I’m feeling nostalgic and asking you to do the same thing. Just for today.

Remember that you’re not supposed to go through life feeling less than.

Just for today, remember that you’re future will be brighter than your past.

Sitting on the stone wall

I met one of the nicest group of people I’ve ever met in my life. 

Not just any stonewall. A wall in downtown Concord, NH.

Every Thursday I have a standing hair appointment. It sounds so basic, I know. But my Grandmother was grey at a young age and I’m not ready to go there quite yet. These ladies know just how I like my color, that I don’t need a massage, but that I love to visit and catch up. We eat, we laugh, we visit, hear about each others lives. Regular coffee talk. Minus the coffee.

Anyway.

On my way there I see the same group of people sitting outside the Clock Tower as I always do. We exchange pleasantries, say hello, and go about our day.

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The regular view from the stonewall

It’s on my way home the magic happens. 

My buddy Kevin plays the guitar. He yells “HI KATIE!” to me from across the street. He waves and smiles like I’m the only person he has seen all day.  And, every time I see him, he moves over on that stonewall and makes a seat for me.  I sit down, I visit, he and his buddies fill me in on what’s going on in town. We talk about the small things and the seemingly big things, which are of course all relative.

Today he was right in front of the State House, depending on the time of day and what’s going on in town is a pretty normal occurrence.  There were dogs, and families, new bikes, old bikes, and per usual, he moved over, made me a seat and we sat down and talked.  There was a ceremony on the State House steps and men in uniform walked by and saluted him and thanked him for his service. Today, Kevin was decked out in his military clothes. I also thanked him for his service.

And, he told me it was an honor to serve his country.

He told me about combat and where he was in the world, what he saw, and the kind of friends he made. He told me about how he left everything behind and when he came home nothing was as he remembered it. He’s a pretty private person and will only give little tidbits at a time about his life but I love hearing it and he knows everyone in town and their story too.

These guys stick together. They know where each other are most of the time. If someone’s missing, it’s because this or that. They care about each other and are proud to call Concord home.

When it got way too busy, the Introvert in me took over, and I said my goodbyes and he told me to be safe. We don’t even high five. It’s just an understanding, thanks for being here, nice to see you, hope to see you again next time.

With a wave and a big smile that was it. Until, we meet again my friend. 

The Office

Is a joke.

Oh Susan, please tell me more about your life, I’ll smile and pretend to care about your craft projects, or guys you’ve slept with, and how your night was.

Actually, let’s call a spade a spade. Not so much.

I hear that people have a hard time working from home; that there is too much that needs to be done around the house, and that there are other things going on, etc…coming from someone with a very high level of energy and a serious case of ADHD working from home for me is a miracle.

I can get more done in 5 hours than I ever could in an office. It’s time management at its finest.

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Take a Look at Ragged Edge’

Perhaps it’s not for everyone, but for me, working from home is a blessing. I can get my work done, meet my deadlines, not have to hear about Susan’s date last night, or any other useless drama that goes along with small talk in the office. It’s like the Monday morning quarter back, water cooler talk, blah, blah, blah, which to me are a huge waste of time.

If you trusted me enough to go to college, I can self manage. Trust me. 

There is a mentality in our country that you must be at the office by a certain time, be watched, micromanaged, and babysat the entire time you’re there. And, for me that just doesn’t fly. I know how to self manage. I know how to hit deadlines, I don’t need someone looking over my shoulder telling what to do. Give me a deadline and an idea of what you need, and I’ll make it happen.

In order to get a job in this country a Bachelor’s degree is expected, and then you get it, and you go right back to being in high school. It’s bizarre.  Working from home should not be earned, it should be expected. I build budgets, I pay you to work, I don’t want to pay to babysit your every move too.

While I was at UNH no one cared if I showed up to class, no one cared how I did on my exams, but, I only had three exams a semester per class my Freshman and Sophomore year so I better be damn sure I passed them with a B (any grade above a C was mandatory) if I wanted to stay in the Business School or on the Crew team. Which, obviously, I did.

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I spent hours and hours at the Thompson Library at UNH. Photo curtesy of UNH.

My experience at college was a lot of drinking, a lot of eating, a lot of studying, and a ton of time figuring out how to adult.  I knew what I needed to get done, when it was due, and how to manage a project.

Even if you didn’t go to UNH if you have any kind common sense, you get the point. 

Time management is crucial in any part of your life, whether you’re a mom, a professional, or juggling a ton of other projects. If you can’t be trusted to work alone, why keep that job?

I say that because I was just promoted and sixteen hours into the promotion an Executive in the company decided that our entire department needed to report back to the office because his son can’t be trusted to work from home. I’ll avoid the entire subject of nepotism for the sake of my own sanity,  but you get the point.

Hmmmmm….on that note, check please.

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So to wrap this up, I want to end with the fact that in my experience, adults don’t need to be babysat. They need to be trusted, empowered, and enabled to make their own decisions with the right guidance to get a job done correctly.

If you’re one of the managers that thinks anyone likes their hand held there are lots of books on the subject. 

My advice to you is to be a good leader, be a good role model, and make your employees happy. It may not be easy, but it’s the most economical, financially fiscal, and time efficient way to succeed.

Nobody is perfect…

And, neither are you. 

In a disposable society we have all learned to adapt.  No one will fit all of the thoughts and ideas we have created for the ‘perfect person’. In the expendable society that we have devised, finding and keeping the perfect partner is down right impossible.

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Photo credit: www.ixicreations.weebly.com

We have created a monster. And that’s OK.

Women are waiting longer to get married and settling down. Men are enjoying their freedom just as much and loving every minute of it. But, when you ask them, a woman will say; “I thought I’d have a minivan and three children by now” men will say; “I haven’t even thought of forever yet”.  You know, a little Men are From Mars moment.

It’s easy to find fault.

When we adapt to our relationships and know that you can trade in your latest partner for the next model (and coming from someone who hasn’t found the perfect partner I feel qualified to say that) no one can live up to the expectations we collectively have created. I should probably take my own advice but one of my girlfriends is going through this right now and I thought it was a good time to talk about it.

30 blogs to help you get through a divorce
There are 30 blogs to help you get through a divorce. www.criminaljusticedegreesguide.com

With the highest divorce rate in recent history, (I’ve unfortunately been there and done that) we all know people who didn’t make it for one reason or another. And, you can’t fault them. When two completely different people come together, molding your life and changing the way you do things can be a flat out nightmare. My advice if you’re going through it is a strong support system and a lot of tissues. The pain for me was unimaginable. I never ever thought it would be as emotionally disruptive as it was.

No one is perfect. 

But enough about me. Seriously. When you have an ideal partner, someone who qualifies and fits in to the box you’ve created, you’re going to be disappointed. I hate to tell you, but no one will fit into your perfect ideal. And if they do, please let me know. I’d love to hear all about it. The point here is that, no one is perfect. You’ll have to take the good with the bad, exchange the little things you thought you cared about for the big things. Who holds you after a long day at work? Who makes you dinner when you’re hangry? Who do you want to cuddle with at night?

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Source: www.gettyimages.com

That’s what matters. 

Remember the little things. Who do you want to sit on your porch with when you’re 80? Remember that just because he doesn’t fit into your magical little imaginary box doesn’t mean he isn’t the perfect partner.

Because he doesn’t exist. 

 

Girlfriends make the best friends.

Every girl needs girl friends. There’s the neurotic, the systematic, the processor, the secret keeper, the advice giver, the one you don’t actually want advice from but love to talk to and hang out with, the ones you call at 2 in the morning when you can’t sleep, the motivational speaker, and the blind supporter. Everyone needs girlfriends. And, I just described all of mine. Who, combined, share all of these traits.

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The Neurotic. 

She’s intense, she’s on point, and you can not fuck with her. She gets stuff done and she’s usually the best at everything she tries. Her house is notoriously clean and her life is put together. You can count on her. She’s there for you when you need someone almost to a fault. She will come over at the drop of a hat and make sure you’re ok. She’s one of my favorites.

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The Systematic.

She’s a nurse. She’s loyal and does the exact same thing every day. You know where she is, what she’s wearing, and how she’s doing. She has this adulting thing down. She doesn’t worry what you think about her because she’s too busy organizing her car, her house, or her desk. She’s a doer and she knows how to get things done.

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The Processor.

She’s four steps ahead of you. She knows what she’s doing before she wakes up, she gets to work two hours early, works hard, and has a system. She doesn’t mess around. She’s busy working out, keeping her body in shape, and eating well. She likes everything done 1,2,3 in that order, and appreciates if you could keep your life as organized as hers. She’s an Accountant. A Financial Planner. She’s busy, organized and structured. But she makes time for you and she loves with everything she has.

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The Secret Keeper.

Everyone has secrets. And, I hope you have girlfriends that know how to keep them. Secrets are important. They are the foundation of trust. They are what make a relationship work. I like secrets. You can tell her you buried a body in your back yard and she’ll never bring it up again. She’s key.

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The Advice Giver.

This is who you want to talk to when your world is crumbling. She knows how to speak in a language you understand. She will tell you you did this to yourself or she will tell you the world did it to you. She will give you advice a shrink would never think of because she can talk to you in ways that only you two understand. And, she’ll let you absorb it and then tell you it’s time to move right along, and get over it. Get over that guy, get over that problem, get over how you were hurt and don’t make the same mistake again. But, when you do, she’ll be there.

The Blind Supporter.

She went Ivy and got a 4.0. She is legit and little bit blind to the whole life thing. She trusts you and loves you and believes everything you do is literally the best thing since sliced bread. She is the one you call when your ego needs a boost or you’re down on your luck. She knows how to make you feel special and she takes her job very seriously. She knows the difference between right and wrong but doesn’t really care because you’re her friend and she’ll support what ever decision you make. She’s the cheerleader and you love her.

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I had to throw Dallas in there.

To wrap this little number up, the most important thing to remember is that your girlfriends should have your back. They drink the kool-aid with you, they listen, cry, and give advice when you need it. So do yourself a favor and make good girlfriends, because at the end of the day, you need them and they need you.

It’s not you, it’s me.

And, I’m watching Suits. I’ve also been up for hours.

It’s not Making of a Murderer it’s better. Full of; smoking hot, smart guys, legal jargon, and emotionally unavailable men.

I can relate. Apparently, I’m a magnet for them. And, I’ve heard I’m the same way. Like attracts like apparently.

Anyway, let’s get down to business.

Dating mishaps, emotionally unavailable men, and train wrecks are pretty much where I am. Dinner, dates, and talks. Blah, blah, blah. I’m just like, well, that was fun, I’ll go back to my little life now.

I liked my little life, working, hanging out, eating, exercising, and just being a chick. A chick. Out of the spot light, a chick who just got her work done and didn’t run into the local store and hear she was on the front page of the paper. Above the fold. AGAIN. Well, that was nice, can I just buy this cheese, please?

So, let’s talk about you. Everyone we know has been in love and made mistakes. Yours truly has. Shocker, I know. But, it’s just a part of learning.

Being young, dumb and in love didn’t work out very well for me. And, I can start with my marriage, so hopefully it’ll work out better for you.

Watching Suits has brought me back to the basics. Looks don’t matter if you feel lonely, sad, or second place. What I’ve learned is that looks aren’t everything, hot guys may not be everything, but they do help.

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I threw that in there for your viewing pleasure.

The “It’s not you it’s me” line is one I’ve used a number of times, but it’s just not us is what I’m trying to say. You and I don’t mesh, we don’t click anymore, what we had is over. And, then, when that line was used on me and, I thought, wait one minute here, that’s my line.

It didn’t make it any easier. Breaking up is never easy. And, Suits uses that line all the time. Whether it’s a new relationship or a long term one, whether you’re the one breaking up or being broken up with, it’s not easy. We covered this in He’s just not that into you. But, keep that one in mind. It’s not fun to be second place to a career, life, or anything else. No one wants to be second. Even in a world where everyone gets a trophy, you don’t want to hang up a second place anything.

You can’t go to sleep with a laptop, a paycheck, or your work. So, treat the people you have in your life right. Remember that they are special and even if they aren’t right for you, they’ll make the perfect partner for someone else. Save the “it’s not you it’s me” line and enjoy what you have right now.

Because some day it may not be there to hold you when you’re tired, sick, sad, or hungry.

He’s just not that into you.

“Let’s start with this statistic: You are delicious. Be brave, my sweet. I know you can get lonely. I know you can crave companionship and sex and love so badly that it physically hurts. But I truly believe that the only way you can find out that there’s something better out there is to first believe there’s something better out there. What other choice is there?”
― Greg Behrendt, He’s Just Not That Into You

I remember going through a difficult break up and one of my darling girlfriends gave me the book “He’s just not that into you” and, while opening it, I cried. And, I realized that breaking up was just part of that story. My story. Our story together. We loved, we learned, and now it was time to move on.

I loved you first.

There is no love like your first love and nothing can replace it. When you don’t know how much a broken heart hurts, you love with your whole heart. After that first heart break nothing else hurts the same way. Everyone after that becomes a learning experience. A moment in time that you shared and then when your time together is over it’s time to move on.

Even getting married doesn’t promise forever.

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www.pinterest.com

Trust me, I’ve been there and done that. We both gave it the best that we could. We tried. We loved and we cried and we even got a dog to bring us together. We bought a house, cars, and things and they didn’t fill the void between us. A small town NH girl and a big city Texas guy go together like oil and water. But, to this day, he’s become one of my best friends. Yes, we hurt each other. Yes, we made each other cry. But, today we can laugh and cry and love each other the way we couldn’t when we were married.

Everyone else is just a stepping stone.

Everyone else you love, you date, you spend time with are all just a stepping stone to the right one. So, when you’re feeling melancholy about your love life or taking advice from all of your single friends remember that we’re all in this together. We all want love, happiness, and forever. We’ll all get there, right? When your person walks into your life at the right time, you’ll know it.

So until then.

Recognize the signs. When he’s not that into you, you’ll know it. He’ll friendzone you. He’ll all of a sudden get very busy. He’ll be distant or he won’t be around. That’s the worst. When he’s on the phone but not laying with you. Or he’s telling you you’re the love of his life and he’s no where to be found. Don’t be that girl. Don’t give into words when we all know that actions speak louder than words. You can do this.

You are strong.

But you must do it. Alone. Your girlfriends can help you. Trust me. Your friends will all have an opinion. They can listen, and talk, and give you advice but only you know in your heart when the red flags are there telling you to bounce. It’s like a beacon. A warning. A signal in your stomach that tells you to retreat. So, do it.

You deserve more.

So. Make it happen. How many nights do you want to fall asleep crying, dreaming, wishing he was there. When you knew all along, that he just wasn’t that into you.

Tinder. And, don’t tell my Mom, he was DTF.

Someone gets to go home with this guy.

And, I can tell you from experience that if you’re looking for Mr. Right Now you’re in the right place.  Tinder is apparently where to go when you realize that there must be nothing better. If you’re on Tinder be prepared for an experience that you won’t exactly want to write home about.
Yeah, this isn't going to happen. www.pinterest.com
Yeah, this isn’t going to happen. www.pinterest.com
I can’t even imagine trying to tell my parents; “Hey Mom, I met this great catch on an on-line dating website, you’ve heard of that right? He was half naked and husband material.  He was totally DTF.” She would look at me with her big blue eyes like I was completely insane. And, in her really innocent, adorable way, ask me what DTF meant. If you’re not sure, please review the first picture. And, we can have a little talk about the acronym. 
On that note, how much attention do you need? We have married men, we have butts, we have costumes and we have desperate souls looking for love in all the wrong places. If you are looking for love, look next door. Look at the girl down the street, the guy you see at the coffee shop. Look at the person right next to you who likes to do all the same things you do
Trust me, it will save you a lot of explaining.

Dear Future Husband.

With Valentine’s Day or Single’s Awareness Day coming up, depending on which one you’re celebrating this year, I thought this was the perfect time to write an open letter to my future husband.

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www.pinterest.com

I’m not sure if I’m exactly qualified to write this letter, my first marriage was a complete disaster, so I thought I would take some of the lessons I learned from that and apply them to my future self and future hubby. So, here we go.

Dear Future Husband,

We did it! We got married. We got through the easiest part of the start of our life, it was stressful, but seriously, who doesn’t love weddings?

Things to remember. 

This isn’t going to be easy. But we can do it.

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www.pinterest.com

We’re two separate people who are in love. We cannot lose ourselves in each other. Like the lovers before us who made it work we will fall in and out of love and that’s ok because we know that at the end of the day there is no one else we’d rather to go home to.

Besties. 

Be my best friend. But, don’t worry. We have our own friends. And, our own lives away from each other. I have a killer network of girlfriends and have no intention of losing them, but I want you to be a sounding board too. I want to listen to you and what you have going on and be able to offer my advice. I want to talk things out.

Push me.

Make me communicate with you. I tend to shut down when I’m frustrated or sad, but don’t stop. Make me talk it out. Let’s never go to sleep mad.  It sounds cliche but that didn’t work for me the first time around, so I won’t let it happen this time.

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I’ll go ahead and learn something from that quote.

I may resent you for making me talk about my feelings, because that’ll be something new but it won’t last for long. You may resent me for pushing you. For making you talk, but we’ve got this.

Appreciate what we have.

We’ll make each other better people by just being in each other’s lives. We’ll change and grow and navigate the world around us together.  Let’s complement each other. We’ll appreciate that we both work hard. And, as they say, team work makes the dream work.

I promise to be loyal and always be here for you. I promise that when things get tough, I’ll be by your side. Just don’t let me get hungry, I can be a bit of a monster when I’m starving. You’ll probably be able to relate, so I promise to pay attention to your needs too.

Let’s have shared interests. That’s key.

Let’s go on adventures. Lots of adventures. Let’s explore. Together. The things both near and far from us so that we can build memories.

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Space is crucial.

I’m guessing you’ll be as independent as I am so we’ll have to respect each other’s space. Time to be alone. Time to think, to process, to just be. Otherwise, what a huge disservice we’ll do each other if we get clingy and needy.

I can’t wait to meet you and start this adventure. I know that you’ll be the perfect cherry on my cake and together we’ll get through this crazy little thing called life.

Love always,

Your favorite Boo